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still lost - Dark Angel

Sep. 21st, 2007

10:57 am - still lost

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I have so many thoughts running through my mind its hard to start with one. I am at my 6th month mark and cant wait to see what my son looks like. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would ever have a child. Some days I wake up and dont even remember until I try to get up. Its kind of hard to believe I am married also. I dont even know who he is. It feels like a bad dream with a few good parts. My first marriage still hunts me and I feel as though my past is recurring. I thought I had found the one, but he too has destroyed all of my hopes of ever being truly happy. So now I just focus on my son and doing everything in my power to make his life the best. If he can be truly happy then maybe I can have some happiness too. Right now I am very bitter and lonely. I wish I could run away like I used to. To go back to the Black Hills, Alaska or God forbid the Valley, just to start over with my life again and lock away all that has torn me apart. But I know it wont happen now. I feel as though I have been locked in a prison that I will never find my escape. I miss my friends and the fun we would have if I were back home. Those days feel like a dream. Did they really happen? Was I happy once? Will I be again?

Current Location: Florida
Current Mood: lonelylonely

Comments:

[User Picture]
From:agent_arcangel
Date:September 26th, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
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you are loved, sweetie. *hugs*
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[User Picture]
From:rainsheldon
Date:September 26th, 2007 11:41 pm (UTC)
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Thank you. I love and miss you guys. I wish I could have made it down there. But I will see you all soon enough. *Hugs*
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